It has begun.

  posted by rossocles @ 4:28 PM

 
Continuing story on the fall of Western Civilization:

Forget Uncrustables and pre-dipped chips. This will be enough.

  posted by rossocles @ 8:47 PM

 
I got a comment from someone saying they like my random conversations, so in response to that (also because the proceeding quote made me laugh so hard that I vaporized, exploded, and imploded all at the same time), I'll share another, in which Jared offers a suggestion on how to improve the Harry Potter series. As you read, try and imagine it happening, and you'll see what I mean:

rossocles: have you started the 5th book yet?
JMANN9994: first couple chapters
rossocles: then you know that dudley gets his shit ruined again
JMANN9994: yep
JMANN9994: it would be better if the dementor gave him the stone cold stunner
JMANN9994: i cant think of anyone they couldnt beat wit that move
JMANN9994: that would be sweet if his patronus was stone cold steve austin
JMANN9994: no one would stand a chance
JMANN9994: hed just destroy em with massive rays of awesomeness

It'll probably happen in Book Six.

  posted by rossocles @ 8:13 PM

 
Har har har.



  posted by rossocles @ 12:35 AM

 
They say that Water Bears can survive for a hundred years with no water, be boiled alive, frozen, and even float through outer space and still come back to life... All that from a tiny little bug that looks like a four-legged bear made of marshmallow puffs. I tell you, it's not fair. Why are Water Bears so tough? And yes, Jared, witchcraft is a valid answer. In fact, it's probably true.

  posted by rossocles @ 10:07 PM

 
I got back from Young Life camp last Saturday, and I was planning on writing about it, but certain circumstances beyond my control stopped me. Actually, only one circumstance (besides laziness): my hard drive died. Completely and totally died. So now we have a new hard drive and hopefully it won't crash any time soon. Anyhow, on to the recap.

Camp was awesome as usual. Even the 9 hour drive wasn't that bad, since we got to play a few games of GIVE ME THE BRAIN. Also, we watched Shrek, and you can't go wrong with Shrek. Right before we got to camp, we stopped at McDonald's for lunch, which was very strange, not because of the fact that it was McDonald's, but because of two guys "working" there, who were very weird and kept asking us for our food. Turns out those two guys worked at the camp and were only at McDonald's to mess with us. What a great start to the week. There were the usual fun activities: mountain biking, mountain boarding, ridge runners, tubing, rock climbing, frisbee golf, all-day tournaments, Xgames, sailing, and canoeing. Canoeing was probably one of the best since we spent most of the time playing pirates and tipping over other people's canoes. We usually came back with more boats than when we left, and we were such a hazard on one day that the lifeguards didn't give anyone the all-clear to go out on the waterfront until we came back in. That's what I call success. Another memorable pasttime was the noble sport of hitting on girls with awful pick-up lines, such as "Have you been fishing? 'Cuz you got me hooked," and "Is your mom a baker? 'Cuz you've got nice buns." This was all due to a competition we were having to see who could get the best response to a pick-up line. My best response definitely came from the worst line ever: "Yo, can I beat that?" Not only did the girls have no idea what I was talking about, but one of their guy friends wanted to beat me up (but was distracted by Johnny moving his fingers in opposite circles) and the girls came back to talk to me several times, professing their love for me until they found out that I'm 18. They were 16. Shucks. The best response to anyone's pick-up lines came not from a girl, but from the camp directors, when they gave Charles Anderson and Brian Ringers the "That Don't Impress Me Much..." award for hitting on approximately 2/3 of the girls at camp. For those of you who don't know how many people where there, that's well over a hundred girls in the course of 6 days.

And now for a run-on "sentence": Fred Gimmel, Fred Gerbil, Johnny Richter and the Moped Twins, Uncle Wiggly's Clubhouse and Stinky the Clown (beat down), You might not ought want to do that..., and Canadian Spring Break. WOOOOO! Also, several people decided to become Christians, which is great news and the real reason we actually have camp. People think we're nerdy Jesus freaks, but ask anyone who went, and they'll tell you that it was TOTALLY AWESOME.

  posted by rossocles @ 7:18 PM

 
Ok, so my comments are messing up. I hate my commenting server anyway, so I deleted the code for the comments. I'm in the process of looking for a new commenting server, so the comments should be back up in no time. Just hold your horses.

Update 6/26: There's a guestbook now. It should probably work a little better than the comments did. If you have something to say about a post, just leave it in the guestbook. Now quit yer whining.

Update a few minutes later 6/26: Now there are comments too. I found some new commenting code and we'll see how it all turns out. Now you can take your pick. You can leave a general comment on the guestbook or leave a comment about a post. Either one is fine.

  posted by rossocles @ 11:06 PM

 
So I was reading the newspaper the other day, and according to the Washington Post, blogs are the fast food of policital commentary. Since my website sometimes contains political commentary, I'm pretty sure they were talking about me. In case they come back, I've decided to save them time and condense all of my political views into a sort of "Political Happy Meal". Ok, here goes:

BUSHTREESCOLONPIXIESMILLIONAIREANUSRUSH-
LIMBAUGHAPPLEJUICECOFFEEGRINDSLICKDICK-
CHENEYTASTYRUMSFELDWATCHOUTFORKILLERCACTI-
ANDTHOSEMANEATINGJACKRABBITSREPUBLICANS-
JUMPINGJACKSANOMALYCREAMPUFFTHIRTYFOUR-
RATTLESNAKELOOKINGGLASSESBEHINDEIGHTEEN-
FORTYSEVENDEMOCRATSWILLGIVEYOUDIARRHEA.

Mmmm... fast food.

Speaking of fast food, have you seen that new movie called "Supersize Me"? It's about a guy who eats nothing but McDonalds for a month, and whenever the cashier asks him if he wants to supersize his meal, he does. Now, I'm not sure this guy should really be making a buttload of money off of this, the fact that eating McDonalds for a month nearly killed him notwithstanding. Not because it's not true or anything (in fact, it's totally true), but because anyone with five minutes of free time can walk down to McDonalds themselves and see that yes, everyone who eats a lot of shitty food is indeed a big fat slob. After all, the people who get supersized servings don't wait for the cashiers to ask them if they want it or not. They get it right from the start. Then again, maybe they're on to something. It's a well-known fact that people are stupid. You know you agree with me. They probably have some crazy notion in their peanut-sized brains that McDonalds really isn't that bad for them, and it takes a movie to convince them of it, for the same reason that they have to have celebrities telling them to save the rainforest instead of scientists who actually know what they're talking about. Speaking of saving the world, I just had the best idea ever. We'll solve the American obesity problem and the world hunger problem at the same time! Fat people = pigs. Pigs = bacon. Bacon = end to world hunger! Plus, we can lace it with poison and feed it to all the stupid people! Yes! What, you mean fat people and pigs aren't the same? Maybe not to you, gentle readers, but just you wait. They will be. Oh, yes. They will be.

  posted by rossocles @ 9:41 PM

 
Throughout history, there has been one burning question, one puzzle that mankind has struggled with through the ages... Is Griffin Fernandez hot or not?

  posted by rossocles @ 12:38 PM

 
Wow, this is actually a pretty good summary of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Thanks for this one go out to none other than Bekkah.

  posted by rossocles @ 9:53 PM

 
OK, a bunch of people have asked me to write a post about Beach Week. Rather than give them what they deserve (Flaming Fists of Fury), I'll write one, mostly because I've been planning on writing a post about Beach Week ever since we got evicted. Evicted? That's right. We got evicted from our house within four hours of checking in. What for, you ask? We're not sure. Apparently a group of 18-year-olds just had a "look" about them that the owner of the house didn't like, so they called the cops and had us kicked out. There's a little bit more to it than that, like some of the guys climbing on the roof, but that's basically it. I've decided to make the best of a bad situation by providing a list of things to do to avoid getting evicted from your house based on my own experiences.

- Don't move. If you move you'll attract attention, and if the homeowners see the "look" you have, you'll get kicked out. Just what is that "look"? See for yourself, if you're brave enough:



Scary. (Notice how the four guys in the right of the picture (including me) are tiny compared to the others, and Eric actually looks reasonably tall. Ah, the wonders of photography.)

- Don't make noise. Same reason as above.

- Breathing is OK.

- Never, EVER cook Ramen Noodle Soup.

That about covers the things we could have gotten evicted for, since we had about 4 hours in which to do something wrong, of which a total of 30 minutes were spent in the house. Gotta love the system, eh? At least they never found out that Eric peed in the closets.

Aside from that, Nags Head was pretty nice. We stayed in a hotel for a few days and then got ourselves another house far away from the first one. The beach was fun every day and I actually almost stood up on the only wave I caught while I was surfing. Ultimate frisbee on the beach was great, especially since everyone else along the beach would turn and stare at us playing. We basically drove around all day looking for things to do whenever we weren't at the beach or in our house, which ended up being even closer to the beach than our first house. I'm a little disappointed that we never went to Galaxy Golf, which from the looks of it would have been quite an experience. Think Putt Putt after a hurricane. I did end up finding a good souvenir t-shirt that has a picture of a Jolly Roger and the phrase "Surrender the Booty" on it. Look out, ladies.

Do you like crab legs? We certainly do, and we did our best to crush the all-you-can-eat crab leg buffet that we went to on Thursday night. Judging from the recording of Bruce's ass explosion that he made when we got back to the house, I'd say we did a pretty good job, with the final total for each of us being no less than four plates apiece, unless you count the girls, but you never count the girls. All in all, I'd say it was a great time. I wish I was still there, and I wish I didn't have to go back to work on Monday, but that's life. Actually, life is me playing sick and not going to work tomorrow. On that note, I think I'll go watch TV.

  posted by rossocles @ 9:36 PM